The day full of 'almost's.

The end of the year is almost here, and ironically, today was filled with 'almost's. Well, to start with, I almost got up time today. And when I did get up, I almost went for a morning walk, almost keeping true to my to-be new-year resolution. Following that, I almost ditched my parents, who wanted to take me to this place I didn't want to go to. Next I almost ran over a kid, which was the one thing I don't regret, was only an almost. Then in the afternoon, I almost took a nap, and almost ignored my bike's maintenance, coz of which I have almost no fingerprints on one of my index fingers. Then I almost got Tres a key-chain that read her name. I almost went to meet a friend who was too lazy to come meet me, and I almost ditched the one who wasn't. Also, like many of my other ones, I almost did not publish this post. It's a funny thing you know, I didn't do any of the things I wanted to do, yet I wouldn't call today a bad day. On the contrary, I'd say it was a rather decent day. I guess, as long as I keep doing something or the other, I'm satisfied.

To be or not to be

Hmmm, so I get up this morning, and surprisingly I still remember the dream I had had. Of all the things in the world, it was about this blog of mine. I dreamt about how awful my rhymes were and was embarrassed, when I was linked to this blog. Now it's not that many people follow me here, but I think there are a coupla kooks who silently follow my blog post's titles :P The reason I blog, is to let off some steam, and deleting the blog is not an option, at least not at the moment. However, I could stop rhyming in public, at least for a while. I wonder if I should add 'will not rhyme' to my new year resolution list. Oh yeah, I've already started with it. Numero uno on the list is to lead a healthier life style, followed closely by being slower on the road. Although I've been trying to get a head-start on the first one and I haven't been successful at it, things have been brighter with the second to-be-resolution. I've certainly become a more mature driver, interrupted by spurts of rash maneuvers. I'm disappointed by the fact that Blur's Song 2, still makes my revs go up. But I still have hope for my self. The end of the year is almost here, I have high hopes for the coming year. Filled with uncertainties, it is definitely going to be an exciting one. Anyway, there is still a little time left before the year ends, but not much for the day to end. I must retire now. Gotta at least try to get up early tomorrow, and may be, just may be, I might even flex a few muscles, ie, if I manage to get up on time without setting an alarm :P

All funked up

There was this kid, back in school, who eventually became one of my best friends by the time we passed out. Sadly though, after school, I kind of lost touch with most of my friends. After all, we didn't have cell phones back then, nor had emails and social networking sites caught up by then. A year after I joined college, I heard that that this friend of mine (Henceforth referred to as Scully) had fallen ill. I got in touch with him and spoke to him a couple of times, in the following year. Then a year later, roaming on the street, I ran into another friend from school and he took me meet Scully. Scully was weak, unlike the person I had known, who was athletic and energetic. I was really disturbed. Years passed by, and we didn't speak. I wasn't that I didn't care, it was just that I, like an ostrich, just wanted to bury my head in the ground. I did care about him and kept tabs on him though. It was always awkward conversing with him, and I avoided doing so. So anyway, I am headed to the town he is in, and recently contacted him again. I heard he wasn't doing so well, and for some reason, tears started pouring from my eyes. I really don't remember when the last time was when I cried, but I don't think I've had my eyes water this way in over a decade and a half. I sobbed myself to sleep and got up with puffy eyes. I am still wondering what had happened. Was it the kid in me who started crying? Were there other emotions which were triggered like an avalanche by this conversation. I've always wished Scully the best, and thought of him occasionally. I had always imagined Scully getting better, but that was never the case. I had often considered calling him, but never did get to it. Even my mother had noticed this reluctance to call Scully, and had asked me to get my head out of the ground. I wonder sometimes, if I was a good friend, not having bothered to check up on an ill friend. I really don't know what to say. Though I would be lying if I told you Scully had nothing to do with this upcoming trip of mine. I really really wanted to meet him, and now I am reluctant again.

Here we go again.

The sun is out, there are these beautiful white clouds floating in the sky, and I am sitting here staring out my window; what a day to be gloomy. I'm still listening to "When they come for me", just that, now it is the only song in my playlist. The temperature around my place at work is fairly comfortable, a tad bellow shivering point; just the way I like it. Today I made changes to the only remaining project in my team, that I hadn't yet touched, yet I'm not happy. Someone at work, once asked me to be a little less polite, and I took his advice. I don't like this arrogant self of mine. There is a lot that is amiss, and I have no doubts that things would work themselves out soon. However, soon after I got up this morning, I was hit by something. Not something, but more of a lack of it. I see dark clouds looming ahead, at least for the next three months, if not more. Hoping to make it through dry. :( Anyway, I leave you with a latest addition to my incomplete Lines O' Rhymes document :

Some days I wake up and ask why.

I really wonder if life is a lie.

To get what you want, you work hard for.

And once you have it, you don't want it no more.

Needs change, wants change.

In a lifetime your requirements exhibit a whole lotta range.

I wonder why I can't think ahead.

I wonder why my mind can't be read.

Some days I wake up in a lot of pain.

Some days I wake up and think, "Here we go again"

Start trying to catch up M***** F*****

Going crazy listening to this song "When they come for me" by Linkin Park. I just love it when my rear view mirror vibrates to the beat of this song. There is something about this song that really appeals to me; it may be the beat, or may be the prompt to catch up in the lyrics, but each time I play this song, I can notice a change in my driving style. It's been a while since I have been hearing these words in my head, long before this song even came out, and each time it played in my head, I felt motivated. Ironically, I'd only recently stopped hearing these words, and thought I had finally caught up to the shadow I was chasing. Things had started to settle down, but along came this song and stirred things up. Pumped up again, I am ready to go. Funny how decisions are taken with so much ease when you are are all pumped up and raring to go. I am still as confused and unsure as I ever was, but I will still go ahead with the impulsive decision I have taken, like I always do. *Fingers crossed*

I quit!!!

I am not a quitter, that's not how I was brought up. I have my numerous failures to prove that I'm not a quitter, but now I believe the time has come for me to quit. Wait before I begin, I can think of the one thing I did quit, but quitting it was actually me not quitting on myself. I am talking about cigarettes. Still stare at them sometimes, it even inspired a nice rhyme a while back. But I am here to discuss a different topic today. I am here because I had started giving too much time of my life to my work, and frankly, I do not see myself gain much from it. Sure people at work look up to me, and I do get the feeling sometimes that I have made up for most of my lost year, but something is still missing. It was during my week of illness that I realized how obsessed I was with my work. In fact, I have nothing to speak with anyone other than my work. It was then that I decided it was time to dial it down a few notches. So this week I worked on my own terms (my boss not being available helped me do so) came home on time, and have read 3 books this week (started a 4th one). For some reason, I still am not satisfied. There is so much more to life than work, yet I can't get work out of my head. I realized that I have alienated almost everybody, except those who work with me. I wonder what I should do now. I wish I knew what I wanted. I wonder if I will be able to get rid of the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I wonder if anyone has died of uncertainty. I wonder if i should quit working hard, or quit altogether. Or may be just take a vacation, come back, and continue with the way things are going; after all, I am no quitter.

Nothing to watch

I have been in bed for a week now. Friggin awful it is, not doing anything. I have been flicking through channels mindlessly and can't think of anything to do. So I decided to put down everything that I see on TV. So here it goes :

0. Star world : Moment of truth.
1. Zee Cafe : Full on (R&B music)
2. AXN : Some magic show.
3. Star Movies : Kill Switch.
4. HBO : Some Movie in Mexico, involving tribals killing tourists.
5. Zee Studio : Ads, Hope Springs starting soon.
6. Sony Pix : Ads, Closer starting soon.
7. Discovery (Hindi) : Elephants v/s Rhinos.
8. Discovery Turbo : Paul Teutul on OC Choppers.
9. Discovery Science : Some Construction show.
10. Animal planet : Gazelles and Hyenas.
11. TLC (Formerly Travel n Living) : Woman stretching and exercising.
12. VH1 : Cranky songs.
13. Times Now : Some breaking news.
14. CNN IBN : Some breaking news.
15. ET Now : Market Analysis.
16. Set Max : Boring Hindi movie I have seen.
17. DD Something : Cannot decipher.
18. Channel V : Something other than music.
19. Cable operator's channel 1 : Dhoom 2
20. Cable operator's channel 2 : Birthday greetings to toddlers.
21. DD Rajya Sabha : The good ol' Vertical coloured lines, but blinking and beeping
22. Sahara Samay : Some Pathertic Comedy show originally screened on Sony.
23. Blank Channel : N/A
24. SAB TV : Familiar TV actors dressed up as Gods for a play.
25. Star News : Suhil Kumar's Interview.
26. Zee Something : Can't Decipher.
27. Zee Something : Can't Decipher.
28. Zee Marathi : Ads.
29. Me Marathi : Crazy show.
30. India TV : Crazy report about how 2 "Pheras" short ruined a marriage.
31. P7News : Ayodhya issue | Naxalites (evergreen topics)
32. Bloomberg UTV : Orient Green Power press conference.
33. Star Plus : Sick village soap.
34. Sony : Regular soap.
35. Star Gold : Sickening hindi movie from the 90's.
36. Star Pravah : Marathi Ads.
37. DD National : Sick Soap.
38. Colors : Some Game Show.
39. DD News : Report on Nadal.
40. Star Alive : Camera for sale.
41. Zee TV : Ads, Probably a sick soap.
42. Lok Sabha : Pubic service ads.
43. Aaj Tak : Movie trailers.
44. Star Majha : Marathi Ads.
45. Cable Operator Channel 3 : Strange movie from the 80's.
46. Zee News : Dance Show performances.
47. CNBC Aawaz : Business stuff.
48. Star One : Sick soap.
49. MTV : Something other than music.
50. Headlines Today : Funny clips.
51. Nick : Oriental Animations.
52. CNBC TV18 : Market Analysis.
53. E Tv Marathi : Sick Marathi talk show.
54. Zoom : Movie songs.
55. INX News : Report on ragging menace.
56. News 24 : Some Glamor show.
57. 9X : Movie Songs.
58. Home Shop 18 : Selling Jewelery.

Bah... My eyes started hurting, and so I had to switch of the TV and close my eyes. Anyway, the week has gone by and the weekend is here again, and I wonder what I'm gonna do. Bored to death.

When life gives you sour grapes, smile.

Of lately I've realized that I have this strange kinda paranoia. In fact I am not even sure that I would be called paranoid, but I really don't have a word for it. It's like seasons, just like summers after winters, and winters after summers, it's something that's just bound to happen. Strangely though, with me it's become like you can't enjoy the ice-creams in summer worrying about the winters. Oh and I'm talking about the ups and downs of life. Each time I'm on a high, I worry about my next low, and wonder how steep a fall it'd be. I really do need to take the phrase "enjoy it while it lasts" seriously. Well, at the moment, life's uncertainties are really killing me, a million things on my mind, and really stressful days at work. Boy i need a life. So any way, there was this study they were talking about on TV, which said that smiling actually alters your mood, no matter how terrible you are feeling, and guess what, so far it does work, try it out.

In the dark

I was watching The Lookout the other day, and it had this scene where this guy, Chris Pratt (this was the character's name, donno the actor's name) switches off the headlights of his car, as he encounters this swarm of fireflies. It's scary, you know, switching off your lights while riding/driving, not to mention disorienting, if it's pitch dark (yes, I have tried it out). So the other day it was pouring like hell, when I left for home, with raindrops the size of golf balls. It was like a scene from a bad movie where buckets and buckets of water are hurled at the actors. The situation was so bad that even cars had stopped on the sides of the roads, waiting for the down pour to stop. With the hazard lights blinking all through the way, it was really a relief to make it back home, safely. Of course I was listening to the (not exactly soothing) words of James Hetfield singing Unforgiven III all through the way. I have gone crazy listening to that song over and over again. I have played it on my way to and from work for atleast 5 days now. Work has been pretty hectic too of lately, and I honestly believe I don't have a life anymore, coz all i do is work or sleep. The last movie I watched (in a movie hall) was <*2-4 mins of thinking*> How to train a dragon iirc. I try to look a couple of years ahead in life, and all I see is darkness. It really is scary not knowing where you are headed. I wish I had more powerful headlights to look ahead in life. Coming back to headlights, I am wondering if I should put in those Xenon headlights in my bike. I recently put in a performance air filter in my bike and it has done wonders. I was getting in the mood to modify my bike, but sadly the rains ruined my plans. Also I think I'm a bit like JD from Scrubs sometimes, especially when I need to distract myself from stuff that disturbs me. My bike is one of those things thinking about which helps me do so. Anyway, I could go on and on about pointless stuff, not that there is anything wrong about it, but I need to sleep now. I have this wonderful flavour of nostalgia in my mouth I must get rid of before I sleep. Recently they started selling ice lollies from Mother Dairy here, and I am amazed that they still cost 5 bucks a stick. Anyway, now that I have started blogging again, hope to be back soon.