Start trying to catch up M***** F*****

Going crazy listening to this song "When they come for me" by Linkin Park. I just love it when my rear view mirror vibrates to the beat of this song. There is something about this song that really appeals to me; it may be the beat, or may be the prompt to catch up in the lyrics, but each time I play this song, I can notice a change in my driving style. It's been a while since I have been hearing these words in my head, long before this song even came out, and each time it played in my head, I felt motivated. Ironically, I'd only recently stopped hearing these words, and thought I had finally caught up to the shadow I was chasing. Things had started to settle down, but along came this song and stirred things up. Pumped up again, I am ready to go. Funny how decisions are taken with so much ease when you are are all pumped up and raring to go. I am still as confused and unsure as I ever was, but I will still go ahead with the impulsive decision I have taken, like I always do. *Fingers crossed*

I quit!!!

I am not a quitter, that's not how I was brought up. I have my numerous failures to prove that I'm not a quitter, but now I believe the time has come for me to quit. Wait before I begin, I can think of the one thing I did quit, but quitting it was actually me not quitting on myself. I am talking about cigarettes. Still stare at them sometimes, it even inspired a nice rhyme a while back. But I am here to discuss a different topic today. I am here because I had started giving too much time of my life to my work, and frankly, I do not see myself gain much from it. Sure people at work look up to me, and I do get the feeling sometimes that I have made up for most of my lost year, but something is still missing. It was during my week of illness that I realized how obsessed I was with my work. In fact, I have nothing to speak with anyone other than my work. It was then that I decided it was time to dial it down a few notches. So this week I worked on my own terms (my boss not being available helped me do so) came home on time, and have read 3 books this week (started a 4th one). For some reason, I still am not satisfied. There is so much more to life than work, yet I can't get work out of my head. I realized that I have alienated almost everybody, except those who work with me. I wonder what I should do now. I wish I knew what I wanted. I wonder if I will be able to get rid of the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I wonder if anyone has died of uncertainty. I wonder if i should quit working hard, or quit altogether. Or may be just take a vacation, come back, and continue with the way things are going; after all, I am no quitter.

Nothing to watch

I have been in bed for a week now. Friggin awful it is, not doing anything. I have been flicking through channels mindlessly and can't think of anything to do. So I decided to put down everything that I see on TV. So here it goes :

0. Star world : Moment of truth.
1. Zee Cafe : Full on (R&B music)
2. AXN : Some magic show.
3. Star Movies : Kill Switch.
4. HBO : Some Movie in Mexico, involving tribals killing tourists.
5. Zee Studio : Ads, Hope Springs starting soon.
6. Sony Pix : Ads, Closer starting soon.
7. Discovery (Hindi) : Elephants v/s Rhinos.
8. Discovery Turbo : Paul Teutul on OC Choppers.
9. Discovery Science : Some Construction show.
10. Animal planet : Gazelles and Hyenas.
11. TLC (Formerly Travel n Living) : Woman stretching and exercising.
12. VH1 : Cranky songs.
13. Times Now : Some breaking news.
14. CNN IBN : Some breaking news.
15. ET Now : Market Analysis.
16. Set Max : Boring Hindi movie I have seen.
17. DD Something : Cannot decipher.
18. Channel V : Something other than music.
19. Cable operator's channel 1 : Dhoom 2
20. Cable operator's channel 2 : Birthday greetings to toddlers.
21. DD Rajya Sabha : The good ol' Vertical coloured lines, but blinking and beeping
22. Sahara Samay : Some Pathertic Comedy show originally screened on Sony.
23. Blank Channel : N/A
24. SAB TV : Familiar TV actors dressed up as Gods for a play.
25. Star News : Suhil Kumar's Interview.
26. Zee Something : Can't Decipher.
27. Zee Something : Can't Decipher.
28. Zee Marathi : Ads.
29. Me Marathi : Crazy show.
30. India TV : Crazy report about how 2 "Pheras" short ruined a marriage.
31. P7News : Ayodhya issue | Naxalites (evergreen topics)
32. Bloomberg UTV : Orient Green Power press conference.
33. Star Plus : Sick village soap.
34. Sony : Regular soap.
35. Star Gold : Sickening hindi movie from the 90's.
36. Star Pravah : Marathi Ads.
37. DD National : Sick Soap.
38. Colors : Some Game Show.
39. DD News : Report on Nadal.
40. Star Alive : Camera for sale.
41. Zee TV : Ads, Probably a sick soap.
42. Lok Sabha : Pubic service ads.
43. Aaj Tak : Movie trailers.
44. Star Majha : Marathi Ads.
45. Cable Operator Channel 3 : Strange movie from the 80's.
46. Zee News : Dance Show performances.
47. CNBC Aawaz : Business stuff.
48. Star One : Sick soap.
49. MTV : Something other than music.
50. Headlines Today : Funny clips.
51. Nick : Oriental Animations.
52. CNBC TV18 : Market Analysis.
53. E Tv Marathi : Sick Marathi talk show.
54. Zoom : Movie songs.
55. INX News : Report on ragging menace.
56. News 24 : Some Glamor show.
57. 9X : Movie Songs.
58. Home Shop 18 : Selling Jewelery.

Bah... My eyes started hurting, and so I had to switch of the TV and close my eyes. Anyway, the week has gone by and the weekend is here again, and I wonder what I'm gonna do. Bored to death.

When life gives you sour grapes, smile.

Of lately I've realized that I have this strange kinda paranoia. In fact I am not even sure that I would be called paranoid, but I really don't have a word for it. It's like seasons, just like summers after winters, and winters after summers, it's something that's just bound to happen. Strangely though, with me it's become like you can't enjoy the ice-creams in summer worrying about the winters. Oh and I'm talking about the ups and downs of life. Each time I'm on a high, I worry about my next low, and wonder how steep a fall it'd be. I really do need to take the phrase "enjoy it while it lasts" seriously. Well, at the moment, life's uncertainties are really killing me, a million things on my mind, and really stressful days at work. Boy i need a life. So any way, there was this study they were talking about on TV, which said that smiling actually alters your mood, no matter how terrible you are feeling, and guess what, so far it does work, try it out.

In the dark

I was watching The Lookout the other day, and it had this scene where this guy, Chris Pratt (this was the character's name, donno the actor's name) switches off the headlights of his car, as he encounters this swarm of fireflies. It's scary, you know, switching off your lights while riding/driving, not to mention disorienting, if it's pitch dark (yes, I have tried it out). So the other day it was pouring like hell, when I left for home, with raindrops the size of golf balls. It was like a scene from a bad movie where buckets and buckets of water are hurled at the actors. The situation was so bad that even cars had stopped on the sides of the roads, waiting for the down pour to stop. With the hazard lights blinking all through the way, it was really a relief to make it back home, safely. Of course I was listening to the (not exactly soothing) words of James Hetfield singing Unforgiven III all through the way. I have gone crazy listening to that song over and over again. I have played it on my way to and from work for atleast 5 days now. Work has been pretty hectic too of lately, and I honestly believe I don't have a life anymore, coz all i do is work or sleep. The last movie I watched (in a movie hall) was <*2-4 mins of thinking*> How to train a dragon iirc. I try to look a couple of years ahead in life, and all I see is darkness. It really is scary not knowing where you are headed. I wish I had more powerful headlights to look ahead in life. Coming back to headlights, I am wondering if I should put in those Xenon headlights in my bike. I recently put in a performance air filter in my bike and it has done wonders. I was getting in the mood to modify my bike, but sadly the rains ruined my plans. Also I think I'm a bit like JD from Scrubs sometimes, especially when I need to distract myself from stuff that disturbs me. My bike is one of those things thinking about which helps me do so. Anyway, I could go on and on about pointless stuff, not that there is anything wrong about it, but I need to sleep now. I have this wonderful flavour of nostalgia in my mouth I must get rid of before I sleep. Recently they started selling ice lollies from Mother Dairy here, and I am amazed that they still cost 5 bucks a stick. Anyway, now that I have started blogging again, hope to be back soon.

Be Positive

The other day, I was teaching science to my cousin, for her upcoming exam, where she got confused over a diagram explaining charging using induction. You can have a look at the diagram for those who don't remember a thing. So anyway her text-book had a similar diagram in it, with the following diagram with the side having an induced positive charge grounded. The diagram however showed that there was a negative charge flowing through the wire connecting the side with the positive charge to the earth, and this really got my cousin confused. Where did that negative charge come from? she asked me, pointing at the wire. That's when this really profound thought struck me. No I know I am not going to be able to do it justice by the words I put it in, but bear with me. You see, it isn't the excess of positive charge that makes something positively charged, it is the lack of negative charge (electrons) that makes it positive. Now think about it with respect to optimism and pessimism. Pessimism has never done anyone any good (at least that's what they say) and on the other hand, optimism overrated (to an extent). I know most people would find it hard to digest, but optimism is a self destructive concept. I mean, what if a sanguine person keeps failing in life? How long can he keep at it? That is where the concept of being positive (not to be confused with being optimistic) comes in. When I say be positive, I mean it with reference to the electrostatic theory, ie, to be positive, you don't really have to be positive, but merely stay clear of negativity. Thus being positive is a state that can be persisted, despite the numerous failures in life one may have to face, in other words, a win-win situation, I'd say. Also, I learnt quite recently, that my blood group is probably B+, my mum didn't seem that sure about it when I asked her, but till the time I don't get a test done, I think I'll accept B+ as my blood group, especially since it goes well with my be positive theory :)

I Hate

Here is a list of all the things I hate that I can think of right now. I hate...

• getting wet in the rain.
• eating too much and falling ill.
• eating too little and falling ill.
• getting up early just 'cause I left a crack in the curtains.
• getting a hair cut.
• catching a cold.
• people trying to race me when I ride the way I love to ride.
  
• not being able to sleep more than 8 hours a day.
• losing entire days sleeping.
• it when all the movies on TV are ones that I have seen.
• fungus that grows on your clothes during the rain.
• stepping into puddles right after polishing your shoes.
• cops who stop you and ask for a bribe.
• the noise that airplanes make.
• not being able to finish a book I started reading ages ago.
• feeling left out in a conversation because people speak in their own language.
• failing when I try too hard to succeed.
• the soot that comes off your face because of pollution.
• pebbles that find their way into your shoes.
• nails that grow back in less than a week.
• parts falling off my bike.
• water condensing on cold mugs and glasses leaving marks on the table.
• forgetting to drink water and falling ill.
• deodorants that spray so hard that it hurts.
• being forced to think.
• headaches that last all day.
• potholes on the roads.
• losing touch with people you were once close with.
• putting my cellphone for charging.
• getting up all tired in the morning.
• leading a monotonous life.
• the way my tummy wants to bloat up.
• dirty hair.
• LeT, LTTE, Maoists, JuD and loads of others from here.
  
• visiting petrol pumps so often.
• not speaking up when I want to.
• stuttering after I make a grammatical mistake.
  
• the stale smell that comes from clothes you don't wear for a while.
• News channels with their breaking news.
• pigeons.
• rains.
• cold winter mornings.
• being appreciated for small things as though they weren't expected from me.
• being broke.
• the effect I have on PCs (they don't last as long as they should with me around)
• not knowing what I'll be doing 5 yrs from now.
• knowing exactly what I'll be doing 5 days from now.
• people who reek of sweat, even early in the morning.
• it when I am unable to put my thoughts to words.
• not being able to click a pic the way I'd like to click it.
• pondering over not doing something, n in a moment of spontaneity, doing it without thinking.
• being addicted to anything.
• loud noise, unless it is coming from the back of my bike
• silence.
• darkness.
• days when the sky is overcast with dark clouds.
• scars.
• creepy crawly insects.
• bad memories which refuse to go away.
• the way time flies.
• it when time stands still.
• the feeling that you get that things may go wrong, n then when things actually going wrong.
• it when things break.
• typing blog posts over decades, n then taking even longer to post em.
• being incited into doing things, I don't really want to do.
• having a tune in my head, not knowing the name of the song, playing the entire song in my head till I reach the part where I get to know the name of the song.
• dining alone.
• promotional sms'es.

... I do hate a lot of other things... I think I'll update this list later.